Guys.
Just to clarify.
My ratings?
They’re tongue-in-cheek. I started watching movies a month ago. It’s funny to pretend I’m Roger Ebert.
More importantly, I’m not trying to objectively assess the quality of these films. I hope this was obvious. Again, I know jackshit about movies.
So, here’s a breakdown of my rating scale:
0 out of 5: Kill me.
1 out of 5: Barely bearable.
2 out of 5: Not a huge fan.
3 out of 5: Thumbs up.
4 out of 5: Double thumbs up.
5 out of 5: Holy mother of God are you kidding me four fucking thumbs up.
Saying that Mark Zuckerberg comes off badly in David Fincher’s The Social Network is like saying that slow-motion Youtube videos of snowmobile accidents are moderately entertaining.
News flash: they’re fucking wild.
Now that we’re bandying in understatements, here’s another one for the road: Jesse Eisenberg puts on a decent performance in this film.
The Social Network chronicles the early days of Facebook. Obviously, the story’s key player is Mark Zuckerberg (Jesse Eisenberg), who — depending on who you ask — either came up with the idea for the website himself or stole it from the Winklevoss twins, two fellow Harvard students. Zuckerberg’s friend Eduardo Saverin provides $20,000 in seed funding and joins the project as co-founder. The two eventually encounter Napster co-founder Sean Parker (Justin Timberlake) who awes Zuckerberg but fails to impress Saverin. The three continue to build the company, but Saverin becomes increasingly isolated. He makes a consequential decision and gets booted from the company.
Which brings us to the present day. Zuckerberg is being sued by both Saverin and the Winklevoss twins.
Zuckerberg’s testimony?
Condescending as fuck.
Folks.
This wasn’t exactly a flattering portrayal of the Zuckster.
I can’t believe that the real Zuckerberg, that dashing AI meat-griller himself, didn’t ask Siri to murder Fincher in his sleep.
Look, I don’t know the historical accuracy of this film. But if Eisenberg’s portrayal is even 10% true to life, Zuckerberg was — and probably is — one of the most unlikeable people on the planet.
Exhibit A: His arrogance.
It reaches cosmic proportions.
Perpetually convinced he’s the smartest guy in the room, Zuckerberg is condescending, self-absorbed, and pretentious.
He’s also jealous and petty.
To top it off? Vindictive as shit.
Wait, did I mention insensitive?
And also accusatory?
Also, what about pathetic? The film suggests that what Zuckerberg wanted above all else was to be accepted. You can’t blame him for this; it’s a universal motivation. But he decides to go about this by chasing “cool”, like some middle schooler at the lunch table. He’s enamoured by Parker because Parker is cool. He wants to join the Phoenix club because the Phoenix club is cool. He’s jealous of Saverin because Saverin is cooler than him. Maybe he even founded Facebook to be cool.
But isn’t it a little harsh to call him pathetic?
Maybe. Just watch the first and final scenes and decide for yourself. I don’t want to spoil anything, but Zuckerberg could’ve gotten exactly what he wanted if he’d just been a decent human being. But he didn’t even try, opting instead to build a social network empire.
Why?
He couldn’t think of any other way to be accepted. Or he could think of a way — being a decent human being — but thought it beneath him.
And in the end, he’s right back at square one: getting rejected by a woman.
Maybe all of this makes Zuckerberg a tragic, not pathetic, figure.
I think he’s a bit of both and then some. At the end of the film, Zuckerberg’s attorney Marilyn Delpy (Rashida Jones) tells Zuckerberg that he’s not actually an asshole, but that he’s “trying really hard to be one.”
This is what we in the business refer to as throwing a bone.
If the film’s portrayal of events is accurate, Zuckerberg is most certainly an asshole. The opening scene with his girlfriend should be enough to establish this beyond a doubt. In this conversation, Zuckerberg doesn’t even pretend to listen to what his girlfriend is saying. She responds to him, but he doesn’t respond to her; he doesn’t talk to her, he talks at her; and he’s not empathetic, but accusatory. He might as well have been speaking to a blow-up doll of himself.
And then, when she dumps him — how Zuckerberg ever had a girlfriend in the first place is beyond me — he divulges her personal information and talks endless shit about her on the Internet.
If that’s not asshole behavior, I don’t know what is.
Ok.
Enough about Zuckerberg’s character or lack thereof.
Eisenberg’s performance is exceptional. Timberlake’s is great, too, but the rest didn’t leave much of an impression.
The pacing is immaculate. The scenes flew by, and the film kept my attention throughout its two-hour runtime. Fincher’s use of background music in creating tension and momentum is particularly memorable.
That being said, I often found it difficult to emotionally invest myself in what was going on. I’m not exactly sure why. Zuckerberg’s unlikeability probably played a role.
When all is said and done?
A solid drama. Definitely worth watching.